who needs friends?

“Do you want to say prayers tonight?”

I sit next to Micah on the edge of his royal blue not-nearly-long-enough bed and take his hand in mine. Our black lab mix, Midnight, stares at me with her big brown eyes as she rests her head on the pillow next to him. The sight of them together like this always makes me chuckle.

“No, I want you to,” he sighs. I am not surprised by his response; he rarely takes the lead, not that he doesn’t offer ideas on what we should talk to God about. But for now, he remains silent. So, I begin with the usual: gratitude for what we have, a blessing for his week at school, protection during the night and the next day, and for others we know who might be struggling with illness or other challenges. Just before I say, “Amen,” he gives me a prayer request.

“Mom, would you ask God to help us find Tony so we can get together?”

“Of course, Micah.” I offer up his appeal, as I have so many times before.  

Tony was a friend who had been with Micah in the same special education classroom in both elementary and middle school. They enjoyed common interests like Marvel superheroes and playing Mario. He came to Micah’s birthday parties and was a willing partner with Micah in school talent shows. In my mind’s eye, I can still picture them in fourth grade donning Wii guitars, pretending to be rock stars performing Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

But then the pandemic hit; there was much less contact with Tony. By the time high school began, he was nowhere to be found. We were told he had moved to a different school district. I reached out with the contact information I had but had no success in connecting with his family.

“We’ll keep praying,” I assured Micah. “God will lead us to him someday.” It seemed to satisfy him. For a while.

But lately, Micah has brought his name up more than ever. With tears in his eyes, he tells me how much he misses him, how he wishes he could still see him daily, feel his welcoming smile, walk down the hall with him once again, arms slung around each other’s shoulders.

Having friends is one of life’s greatest blessings. You don’t really need a lot of them, the saying goes, just one or two good ones: someone who shares the same interests, takes the time to listen, who laughs with you—someone who likes you for who you really are.

Although Micah is social and loves to be around people, he longs for friendships that are more than just a passing, “Hey buddy—what’s up?” in the hallways between classes. He sometimes talks about neurotypical peers (whom he looks up to) as being his best friends. It breaks my heart, because as wonderful as these kids are, they  aren’t really his close friends. They’re being very nice to him, but they’re just not around enough.

Last week was Micah’s birthday. Like usual, he had asked for a party so he could invite “all his friends.” 

“Micah, it’s not that easy now that you’re in high school” I tried to explain. “Kids are busy with activities; it’s just not the norm to have friend birthday parties anymore.” 

“But Mom. It’s my birthday! I want to have a celebration!”

I told him I’d think about it.

I stressed over who we could invite. Where would we have it? Should we really be continuing with these parties every year? Micah was going to be seventeen for Pete’s sake! I just didn’t have it in me anymore to organize such an event. Wasn’t there some other friend or two that we could have a quieter celebration with? When I was a teenager, I was more than satisfied with having one friend over for a birthday sleepover.

And then I thought about someone else in Micah’s life. London had also been in Micah’s class since the early grades, and last summer they had spent a lot of time together  in a local theater camp. When I’d ask what his favorite part of the day was during this camp, he always told me, “Having London there with me.”

So I invited their family to a small birthday dinner for Micah where the two friends could play music, watch a movie if they chose, perhaps play a few games.

The night of the dinner, Micah and London had so much fun. We put a strobe light and Alexa into the sun room so the two (both lovers of music) could sing and dance to their heart’s delight. We had lasagna and chocolate cake and ice cream. We had lively conversation and a lot of laughter, especially when Micah entertained us with his impersonation of Jim Carrey’s version of “The Grinch.” He’s pretty good!

There isn’t always power in numbers.

Everyone needs friends, but sometimes–

less can be far more.