Inner peace

On Sunday morning, Micah and I sit across from each other at the white-topped island in our kitchen. We eat fluffy yellow scrambled eggs, oven-crisped bacon, and wheat toast with low-sugar apricot jam. I bring my flowered pink coffee mug to my lips and look at my son, still in his navy plaid flannel pajama pants and white t-shirt. Eyes twinkling, he tells me about a dream he had last night. Not surprisingly it involves a movie character, this time one of his favorites: Po (the lovable lead character from Kung Fu Panda).  

“Mom, did you dream last night?” Micah asks expectantly.

“Hmm, I think I did, Micah, and I know it was a good one. But unfortunately, I just can’t remember the details.”

“Ahh, come on Mom! You need to remember! Just use your inner peace.”

I chuckle at his reference to one of Po’s ambitions in the movie, wondering if he’s attempting to be funny (developmental progress)—then again, he could be dead serious.

“I’m afraid I don’t have the inner peace of Master Shifu (the diminutive red panda and Po’s Kung Fu master), Micah.”

“Mom, you really need to work on getting it.”

I smile and assure him I will do my best. Maybe then I will be able to recall my next lovely dream for him.

Truth be told, despite months of dealing with anxiety and loss of sleep due to diabetes issues, despite a lengthy list of to-dos getting Micah ready for adulthood, despite my type-A wiring thinking I need to have Micah’s future planned out sooner than later–I do have peace. I really do.

It’s just that my method of acquiring it is different that the kind that comes from a martial arts discipline. And, as far as I can tell, it comes to me in a way that’s far easier—it’s a gift from God. There’s a verse in the Bible that I hold tightly to: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

If you’re familiar with the Bible, you’d probably tell me there are other verses as well like, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7). That’s a great one too. Well, just being in God’s word brings me peace, come to think of it.

But this year, these past few months specifically, I’ve had to call on God again and again, and I follow what the Philippians verse tells me to do—give praise and thanks—think of all the good in my life, because there’s always something to be thankful for, right? But then, I present my requests, my anxiety, my stress—I give it all to God.  

And therein lies the peace. I receive it humbly, incredulously, and with immense gratitude.

A priceless gift.